


No Hero

by TooYoungToFeelThisTired



Series: What if? [17]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Apocalypse, Caretaking, Dark Thoughts, F/M, Feelings, Five's POV, Fiveya Week 2019, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Ilness, No incest if you understand Fiveya, Suicide thoughts, Survival, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-26
Updated: 2019-08-26
Packaged: 2020-09-26 22:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20397493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooYoungToFeelThisTired/pseuds/TooYoungToFeelThisTired
Summary: Five knew he wasn't a good person. He knew a good person would wish she never came with him. He didn't. From all the things he wished that was not one of them.Fiveya week 2019 Prompt: Apocalypse - 26.8.2019





	No Hero

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own TUA

'Here, drink this,' said Five as he gave Vanya the small broken mug with water in it.

She let out a whinny noise before she rolled to her side and looked at him, 'I'm not thirsty anymore.'

'Vanya,' he sighed, 'We've been over this. You need to stay hydrated. Don't make this harder than it is.'

She blinked at him slowly and for a moment he thought she would fall back to sleep, but she sighed deeply and popped up on her elbows trying to get into a sitting position and failing.

Five kneeled beside her and put his hand firmly on her back to keep her upwards as she took the mug from him and drank the content of it.

He focused on her throat and the way it moved as she continued to swallow the water.

Vanya got sick.

Five used to have dreadful thoughts and scenarios about one of them being ill all the time. He was a pragmatist to the bone. He needed to consider all the _lovely_ possibilities like starving, dehydration, another one of the camps falling down, cold winters and of course illnesses. It didn't come as a shock that one of them got sick. Their immune systems must have been rubbish given their poor lifestyles. They were home-kept kids before, dosed with pills from dad every day and then suddenly they were here barely having enough to eat or drink. It was like a shockwave to their bodies. So no, the fact that Vanya got sick was not surprising in the least, but the process of it was.

He wasn't a stranger to someone being sick. He grew up with six other kids, every now and then even the members of the great Umbrella Academy got a fever or cold. It was the fact that they were utterly unprepared for it. Back home they had mom who could deal with any sickness in a matter of a day. She made them chicken soup gave them a few pills and it was done. Good as new. But they were not home anymore and mom wasn't here.

They were stuck there for almost two years and even if they managed to find a way to somehow survive day by day, having a cold was something they could barely deal with.

Five did his best given the situation. He continued to supply her water, sometimes tea he made with herbs Vanya's powers grew, keep her warm and try to get her fever down. It was hard and tiring for him both to see her like this and to take care of her on top of everything else he needed to do. Of course, she was a priority right now, but in order to get her to get better, he needed to secure water and food which meant leaving her for a few hours.

He almost had a heart attack when he came to the camp only to find her lying on the ground unconscious. She must have got up to go pee or drink some more water and fainted.

'I'm just going to end up having to pee again,' she said as if she was somehow reading his mind.

Five looked up at her face spotting the little dirt she had on her cheek.

'I will carry you if you need to go,' he said as he wiped the dirt away with his thumb.

'Okay,' she mumbled sleepily again.

He wondered how much she remembered from all of this and how much she was even present with how tired she looked all the time.

Five leaned toward her and pressed his lips against her forehead the way he remembered mom used to. Vanya didn't even move just remained sitting putting all her weight against his hand ready to lay down any moment.

She wasn't as hot as yesterday.

_Thank God_

'It feels better. Do you feel better?' he asked rubbing soothing circles into her back.

'A little bit,' she nodded before she smiled a bit sadly, 'I'm sorry.'

'You already said that, and I already told you not to apologize. It's not your fault. It's a disease. It happens,' he said repeating himself as they already had this discussion yesterday and the day before that several times.

'Oh, we did?' she blinked her dark eyes unfocused again.

Five sighed again and forced a smile before he lowered her back to the bed, 'Try to sleep some more, okay?'

She hummed in agreement already dozing off before her head even hit the old couch cushion she used to make herself a pillow.

He brushed her sticky hair a bit before he got up and went to work on his equations. The only seemingly good thing from her being sick was that at least he had time to work on trying to get them home more. Usually, his day was full with all the things he needed to do that he dozed off on top of his notes only for Vanya to shake him away and tell him to go to bed because he would ruin his back. In the beginning, he worked on them day and night, but as time went by, they had to accept that they had to survive in this hell first.

Living the world which was slowly dying was incredibly hard. It seemed endless at times, the searches for food and anything useful, boiling water, washing clothes, securing their shelter which after the fall of the coffee shop wall turned out to be the first floor of the library.

Everything was a mess, but at least the fire died out, even if they could still taste the ash all around them, breathing it in.

It was autumn or so Five assumed it was. Sometimes it was hard to tell since it always felt either too hot or too cold really.

Many things had happened in almost two years they have been there. They found out about Vanya's powers. He helped her learn to control which was something she still did not master perfectly. She still felt sorry for destroying the wall of the coffee shop which led them to move. They found their siblings and buried them. Not father though. Not Ben though. They had hope. They tried to travel a few times, not for long, just where they could get by foot two days trips at most to see if maybe they wouldn't find him. They didn't.

Ultimately, they were learning to live and survive in the harsh new world. Despite how much they hated it there, how much every day was hard and painful. How everything felt doomed. Five couldn't help but feel utterly grateful to whatever miracle led to Vanya going after him and with him to this hell. Over the last two years, it became impossible to imagine every time he tried what it would be like if she didn't rush after him, or didn't take his hand. The thought scared him to the core because it brought out other thoughts he never told her about.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but she threw away her covers suddenly coughing. It wasn't as bad as yesterday when she was almost choking.

She trashed a bit with the intensity of the cough, and he quickly put away his work and walked to her.

'Hey, hey,' he said and tried to brush her back but she shook her head trying to turn away from him.

Once she calmed down she said with a hoarse voice, 'I don't want to infect you.'

'Don't worry about me.'

'Who will if not me?' she joked before she pressed the side of her head against his chest, 'Five, I'm cold.'

'You have a fever. You're hot enough. Trust me,' he said with a hint of a joke as well and heard her groan at his lame attempt of a joke. Good. So she wasn't completely out of it.

'Five, I'm _cold_,' she whined in a childish way.

He sighed and sat down on the bed, 'Move over a bit.'

She did only slightly, and he laid down on his side pulling her closer. He felt just how hot and sticky she was, 'Come on now. Just rest a bit more. It will pass soon.'

She let another hum before she must have fallen asleep again or so he thought.

'You know I mean it,' she mumbled her voice so small that if he wasn't pressed completely against her he wouldn't have caught it.

'I worry about you. Who would look out for you if not me? If I wasn't here?' she asked or Five thought she did. It was hard to pick up on what she said. He knew what she meant. It wasn't that hard to deduce given their situation.

He kissed the back of her head not bothered by her hair getting on his mouth, 'Don't say stuff like that and go to sleep. You need to get better.'

'Okay,' she said and this time she really did dose off.

The thing that Vanya didn't know was that if she died. If she really and actually died, he wouldn't burry her. He wouldn't take her body to their little graveyard they made for the rest of their siblings close to the Icarus. He wouldn't lay her down like they did the rest and cover her body with rocks and dust and damaged things like they did with Luther or dig up a grave like they did the others. He wouldn't cry the way they did once they were done. He wouldn't put handmade flowers or actual flowers when Vanya's abilities started to grow new green around them. He wouldn't come to talk to her the way she did them sometimes. Number Five would do neither of those things. Because if Vanya _died_, he would just die with her. He didn't care if he would stop eating or drinking water or his heart would somehow stop too or he would climb up one of the taller ruined buildings and jump. Five would die the second she would as well that was something he knew since the moment they got stuck in this hell, but only really let it sink in yesterday when he was holding her feverish body and praying to every god or goddess out there, that they did not take his sister.

Vanya liked to say he was strong and brave and all those fancy words which were supposed to mean something _great_ and heroic. But she didn't know the truth that the only reason why he was all those things was because of her. Not because she inspired him to some sort of imaginary greatness. There was no use for such things in this hell. But because she gave him a reason. Because she was there and he needed to do all the things he did so she would survive. She was the reason why he got up every morning to get water to collect new useful things to repair what he could and lived through another day. Because she needed it too. He couldn't allow himself to get consumed by depression and despair because she needed him to get out of the bed and do things, so he did. But if she wasn't there, what would be the point? There wouldn't be. He had no illusion. Vanya was the only reason he was still sane, he still tried, he was still alive. He was weak and scared, but with her he _tried_.

Five didn't know how much time passed, but when he opened his eyes it was morning and Vanya was facing him now, 'I need to pee.'

He offered her a smirk before he sat up and helped her up as well.

There were times when Five thought about how they got here often and then there were times when he didn't think about them at all. As he waited for Vanya to be finished he did, however.

The moment it happened, and Five realized he was stuck he wished for many things. He wished he had listened to his father protest about not trying to time travel. He wished he decided to try it another time. He wished he check his equation and perhaps figure out another way to do so, the correct one which wouldn't end up with him being stuck.

The only thing he did not wish for, and this was probably the most selfish thing in the whole world, was that Vanya did not run after him and take his hand.

As he turned toward her realizing what just happened with ruins, ashes, and fire all around them. Yet, because he was a child stubborn and prideful he snapped at her, 'Why would you do that? Why would you run after me?'

He took a couple of steps closer as she stepped backwards her eyes panicked as now she must have realized as well that they couldn't go back.

'I didn't want to-'

'What?!' he snapped at her and she almost cried out, 'I didn't want you to leave me!'

The desperation in her voice caused him to feel guilty about his outburst knowing it wasn't _her_ fault. The blame was all _his_.

He turned around. Apologizes were never his strong suit and instead of giving her one he urged her to come to help him look around.

It took them twenty minutes to find the first dead body. Vanya puked while he tried to look braver than he felt, much braver since, in that moment, he didn't feel brave at all.

They looked for food and supplies grabbing as much as they could. Not really knowing what they needed or not. They were stayed home kids, even if Five went on missions he was absolutely unprepared for a life in a world like this. Still, they thought practically and gather what felt important before deciding to settle for the night.

They decided to find shelter in the ruins of the old coffee shop for that night where there wasn't anything burning anymore. There were a half-cut couch and a chair. It looked terrible, but it was better than sleeping on the ground.

Vanya pushed the chair as close to the couch as possible before they went to sleep. In the middle of the night, when he was sure she still wasn't asleep either, he dared himself to say, 'I'm sorry for this.'

It was the first time that he cried since he was four, the hot tears which rolled down his cheeks almost burning his skin.

He felt Vanya move from the chair and over to the couch curling up around him. The couch was too small even for them, but Five put her hand over his as she hooked her leg between his to fit in. It wasn't comfortable, but he wouldn't change it for the world in that moment.

In the middle of the night with the wind and the sounds of rocks falling from the walls of the building, Five was grateful. He was grateful that Vanya ran after him and took his hand and ended up here with him because if it was just him, he didn't know how he would manage to survive. He wouldn't. He would probably kill himself a long time ago.

She came back to him. Relief filled him over as she looked much better again. His heart fluttered with the hope that she would get better soon. She _had_ to. There was no other way.

'Looks, like you, could do it on your own just fine now,' he commented feeling his voice was eased as well.

'Yes, I feel better enough, but who wouldn't want to be carried around all day?' she teased him. She must have been feeling better.

He couldn't help but smirk. She finally sounded and looked better. This would pass and they would continue with their days and lives here.

Five leaned toward her to kiss her, but she pushed against his chest to stop him with a tired but sweet smile, 'I'm still sick, remember? I don't want you to get it too.'

He sighed a bit dramatically and annoyed before he nodded knowing she was right. He would just have to wait until she was better to do that again.

She continued to smile as she hugged him around the torso pressing her head against his chest. He embraced her instantly pulling her closer and rubbing her back in soothing circles. If Five could he would hold her like this and protect her from everything forever. If he could he would take them away back to the house or to Paris whenever the hell she wanted to go. If he could he would take it all back and never try to time travel in the first place. And if he really could he would _never_ take her and protect her from this broken world. At least that was what Five liked to tell himself when he was holding her like this. It would be a noble thing to do. Something a hero would, a good person, someone who loves her the way they should. But Five knew that wouldn't and couldn't be him. He was never any of those things. He wasn't noble in the least and as for the hero part that was all an act. They were just soldiers under their father's commands. If he told them to kill babies and puppies they would. It was his decision that they wouldn't and they would act as _heroes_ in public, but they were never that. Five least of all of them. As for the love part. She was his sister, there was nothing right about the way he loved her from society's point of view. Good thing there was no society anymore then. No father to patronize him about his thoughts or acts and how he was shaming the name of the Academy.

All in all, Five knew deep down. If he could let somehow stop Vanya from coming with him, he wouldn't. He was too selfish for that. He needed her too much to allow that. He was no hero.

**Koniec**

**Author's Note:**

> A.N: Thank you for reading. If you want leave some feedback and happy Fiveya week :)


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